Mother. Fear. Father.

‘Mother. Fear. Father.’ is my recent project that I’ve been working on. It is a triptych consisting of two smaller and one bigger painting. This project began as an exploration of the concerns about the dangers and consequences of social influences on children, like imposition of ideas, social media, social classes, and bad parenting, but then has evolved into something much more personal- the reflection of my greatest fears – fear of losing your child as a parent, and fear of losing your parents as a child.

‘Mother’ is a painting of a female figure holding a baby that is swaddled in a white cloth. There is a lot of religious symbolism in this composition, referring to the icon of Mary holding a baby Jesus. However, in my interpretation the figure of a mother is filled with worry and fear. Her facial expression suggests of measureless love but also despair and pain. Her eyes are hollow but present at the same time - the ambiguity that allows the viewer to fill in the ‘gaps’ and for their own interpretation. There is no direct indication whether the baby is dead or alive. This is also left for the viewer to decide and connect with their experiences. Or perhaps she poses a danger to the child herself. The opposition to a safe place can be seen in the colour palette of the skin – purples, blues, and pinks with green protruding in some places. The patchy effect of the body that looks cold or unwell was achieved by using a glazing technique of applying multiple semi-transparent paint layers. I consider this painting as a psychological self-portrait to some extent, embodying my greatest fear for my child being harmed by me or society.

‘Fear’ is the middle painting in the triptych, that has evolved from the automatic portrait drawings I did before starting this project. The drawings had very strong resemblance with my father who passed away. Understandingly, this was a manifestation of my childhood fear of losing my parents. This is a painting of a large-scale head that is floating in a space, emphasising the monster like facial features. My father wasn’t a monster, but my fear was, however I like to leave room for different interpretations. The effect of scaling up a distorted face, who’s anatomical features have been intentionally displaced, is unsettling and haunting: the head doesn’t have a neck; the bottom teeth are protruding and mouth is open, which is not an usual sight in real life and is an indication of abnormality or disease; the ears are large and placed too close to the face, which is not noticeable straight away, but subconsciously suggests that something is wrong and plays with viewers mind.

‘Father’ is a painting of a male figure holding a young child’s body. Like in the first painting ‘Mother’ this work too has religious elements present in the composition. Two figures on the canvas are arranged in a way to form a cross. Like in the classical form of a Pietà where Mary holds an adult body of a dead Christ, the male figure in despair holds a body of a child, that is a victim or a sacrifice as Christ was. The position of the body might suggest it is in state of rigor mortis, or looks a lot like carcass, but again, there is no direct suggestion whether the child is dead or alive. Males face is not fully visible, as it disappears beyond the canvas frame – which is my reflection on how society nowadays deals with tragedies- by not showing the whole picture, covering up the truth, censoring, or choosing to ignore. This painting has absorbed a lot of the recent events that are to do with war and how it brings so much suffering. If I must name the ultimate fear of mine – it would be war, as it combines and makes real every possible fear you can have, and unfortunately, child loss is one of them.